Autumn/Winter 08/09 Trends

Want to update your wardrobe, but not sure where to start? Need help figuring out which autumn trends are for you? Look no further! Some Like it Fashion is here to help! This questionnaire will help you identify your key looks for the season; because as we all know the many complex problems of the universe can be solved with a simple and clichéd survey:

Which of the following quotes do you most identify with?

1. Work is like a sport. It’s hard and we all want to win. (Harold Tillman)
2. Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man. (John Lennon)
3. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. (Proverbs 31)
4. I never leave underwear at a guys place because I never see it again. (Samantha Jones, SATC)
5. I fear being a completely acceptable sheep in society (Marylin Manson)

What is your favourite colour?

1. The colour of money.
2. Brown, the shade of the earth.
3. Traditional warm shades of red and green.
4. Anything that brings attention to my tits.
5. Black. Dark black.

What do you have on your i-pod?

1. A mixture of stuff. Classical, power ballads, soft rock. I’m very eclectic. And clever.
2. I-pod? Dude, you’ve gotta get it on vinyl!
3. What’s an i-pod? Do you mean music? I have a Cliff Richard album on cassette. Mistletoe and Wine is a tuuuuune!
4. Cheesey pop, stuff I can reaaaaally dance to. Britney, Xtina, Girls aloud, Beyonce, they’re all on there.
5. Bauhaus, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees. I like bands that have black album covers.

What is your theme tune?

1. Eye of the tiger, Survivor.
2. Born to be wild, Steppen Wolf
3. A spoonful of sugar, Mary Poppins
4. I touch myself, The Divinyls
5. Ignore the machine, Alien Sex Fiend

What is your favourite part of the body?

1. My mind. The body is over sexualised by the media. I want to be appreciated for my intelligence and wit. There is more to me than my breasts.
2. Whoaaah, heavy question dude. I guess my hands. Without them, how would I smoke?
3. The womb. It gives the greatest gift. That of life.
4. The schlong. Yum.
5. Hair. It can be died black.

If you had to watch a Demi Moore film ,which would you chose?

1. G.I. Jane
2. One Crazy Summer
3. Ghost
4. Disclosure
5. The Seventh Sign. (It is dark film. Dark is like black.)

If you were an animal you’d be…

1. A crocodile. They’re adaptable survivors. They see what they want and they get it.
2. A bird. They are free of the politics of our society. They can fly and roam as they please.
3. A dog. They are loyal, loving and reliable. Just like me.
4. A monkey. They can masturbate in public and nobody judges them.
5. A bat. They are black and they like blackness.

If you were a bear you’d be…

1. A spectacled bear. I want to be taken seriously.
2. A sloth. Chillax, man.
3. A polar bear. They are the cutest by far.
4. A panda. When I have sex it’s newsworthy.
5. An American black bear. Because they’re black.

*Drumroll*

Prepare to be dazzled (and a little freaked out at how spookily accurate I am) . If you answered mostly:

1: Ambitious, driven and tenacious. That’s you that is. You work hard and you are going places. Daaaam straight. Your wardrobe reflects your desire to be taken seriously by your peers. You want to look successful yet intimidating. And riiiiich. The super-structured tailoring and sculptural trends are perfect for you. Look to YSL, Balenciaga and Jil Sander for inspiration.

2: Although you may not know it yet, deep, deep, deep, deep down you are a kaftan wearing, incense lighting, peace loving, hairy armpitted, stinky hippy. Yup. Embrace your inner tree hugger this season with Gucci, Hermes and Dries Van Noten. They will let you indulge your wandering Indian spirit with their interpretations of folk (fringing, paisley and embroidery) and tunics and trousers trends.

3: Hear that? Listen quietly. Yes, that. It´s your ovaries throbbing. You see family is your main focus. Either the one you have or the desire in your womb to have one ASAP. Clothes are secondary to this (a very important secondary mind you). This season you´ll need washable items in colours and prints that don’t show chocolate hand prints and baby vomit. Tartan is ideal for this, as is the heritage trend with its practical fabrics. Dolce and Gabanna, Vivienne Westwood and Paul Smith should be your starting points.

4: Oh you doity, doity, doity, dooooog. You loved to get dressed up, for well, any occasion. But not to the detriment of your body mind you (you side stepped that whole sack dress debacle unlike the rest of us). You’ll love this season’s peek-a-boo (sheer fabrics such as chiffons) and tomato red trends. They’re ideal for the gorgeous exhibitionist in you. Check out Dior, Giles and La Perla.

5: Black. You love it. You wear it not because you feel safe in it like most people, you choose black because you feel it differentiates you from the masses. You wear it with an edge. If you weren’t a goth a school you almost certainly secretly fancied one. Channel your black passion using the lace and soft goth trends this season. Prada, Givency and Chanel will be right up your dark street.

Edith

A history lesson in trends

History has taught me so many things about fashion. Black is a constant, nautical and safari are always ‘key’ in spring summer, and hems rise and fall with the economy (this last revelation is particularly apt this autumn as austere calf-length garments that chime with the current talk of recession dominated the season’s catwalks).

One of the most annoying things I have learnt about ‘fashion’ though, only occurred to me recently. It was while I was in Faith last weekend trying to spend a £50 gift voucher. What I realised is that I am not only a terrible judge of people, but I am also an appalling judge of trends.

Let me break it down for you. Many a time I have met someone that I thought was absolutely fabulous. I spent every moment I could with them. They made me laugh, I made them laugh – I was a funnier, more intelligent, more attractive person when I was around them. However, it too quickly dawned on me that these people were actually crazy, high maintenance, exhausting and self obsessed. My infatuation quickly diminished.

On the opposite end of the scale, I have often met people who seem nice, kind, and genuine but kinda meh. They seem pleasant enough but my sheer laziness and rude nature meant I made little or no effort to develop a relationship. Embarrassingly these people have turned out to be amazing, interesting, beautiful and over time they eventually become some of my best friends (who now mock me endlessly for my initial cold and bitchy demeanour).

These examples quite accurately describe my relationship with fashion trends.

For instance, I find myself acknowledging what turns out to be the ‘winner’ of the trend bunch. It looks terribly nice and sturdy and classy I think. But I will dismiss it for reasons that are beyond fathoming right now and then proceed to back the donkey of the herd. The best example of this is skinny jeans.

When skinny jeans first arrived on the scene in 2002 I thought to myself “Oh my, aren’t they pretty? Wouldn’t they look great with this? Oh, and that! And those! They will fit right into my existing wardrobe. I must purrr-chase immediately!”.

I was grabbing my coat and purse and running out the door when an evil fashion monkey appeared from no-where and whispered into my ear “No! Wait! Hang fire! Edith – don’t spend your money on those! It will be a waste, a one-season ‘flash in the pan’ fad. Skinny jeans will never go the distance. This is not the 80s. You’ll HATE yourself next season if you buy them. Step away. Skinny jeans are DEAD to you!”

And so with sadness I did step away. And now it is 2008 and the fucking skinny jean refuses to die. Kate Moss is STILL wearing them. And of course I had to concede eventually and start wearing them because for a while they were the only style of jean that was available to buy ANYWHERE. And now I am bitter because I could have invested in a pair from the outset and been a ‘style leader’ or ‘early adopter’ at the very least. But instead I ended up as a damn sheep! Baaaaaaaaa!

Erm, aaaaanyway. So. I’m in Faith with this £50 gift voucher; I’ve tried on 8 pairs of shoes and dismissed every pair for being too big, too small, too cold, too hot, blah blah blah. Finally I settle on these:

And yes, you guessed it. That is when I had my ‘epiphany’. *Boof*

Way back in 2005 when the gladiator sandal made its first appearance on the spring catwalks, I was worryingly obsessed with having a pair. I scoured the globe (read London) trying to find some, but alas it was not to be. When they eventually dripped down to the high street in 2006 they were being described as ‘ugly’ by the meedja. Clearly this meant that they were never going to be a must-have! I should NOT invest. I bid them a fond goodbye and wished them well on their journey to fashion oblivion.

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Oh, that was me mashing my head into the keyboard by the way. Because once again I completely mis-judged a trend, and lost out on years of good fashion time as a consequence.

I am determined that this will NOT happen again.

And so I got to thinking about Autumn 2008. I thought I’d make a list of potential trends that I don’t think will capture the public imagination. That will just not take off! Nuh-huh. Then I will take this list and I will BUY EVERY DAMN THING ON IT. Here is the typed up version of the list…

Trends to ignore (errrr, I mean run out and buy into immediately):

Lace: My immediate reaction is that this is going to be sooooo huge in this one season that is can’t possibly go the distance. It’s the ‘new’ ballet pump (which as we know did NOT take off). Clearly a 100-meter sprinter rather than a marathon runner. In a few months time it will look dated.

Peek-a-boo: In winter? People will be cold! Transparent fabrics and revealing garments just won’t cut the mustard in the wind and rain. Practicality is a paramount concern to any fashionista so this is doomed to fail.

Heritage and Military: Two words. Over exposed. There is a limit to how many brass buttons I can stand the sight of. And over the knee boots – I don’t even need to make a snide comment about pantomimes for you to see why they are destined for the sale rack.

So, race you to the shops?

Edith