World’s Worst Press Releases

Some things make me irrationally angry. Like press releases. I often write this rage off though, because at the time of scanning them I am usually hungry/stupidly busy/plain arsey.

I got the below press release on Monday (it was sent to me at work, not via Some Like It Fashion). On reading it I was incensed. But I attributed that to the fact that it was 1:30pm, the rain was hammering down and I’d just spent the last 30 minutes on the phone to a woman who couldn’t grasp that I was not Mary Portas, nor was I in anyway connected with her.

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Paris Hilton drops 5 pounds with the help of Pomegranate Power!

Paris Hilton recently caused controversy with her recent weight gain due to smoking pot and eating too much -they say that “Paris gets stoned all the time” and eats like crazy. She supposedly started noticing that her clothes were tight and decided that she needed to give up the herb if she didn’t want to buy a new wardrobe. Paris became concerned recently because her clothes have been growing tight and she knew she was gaining weight.…when Paris couldn’t get into certain dresses she loved recently, she decided to give up smoking pot. She has taken to giving up pot and training back at the gym & taking the wonder supplement Pomegranate Power (from LA) to detox & get herself back in shape!

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Holy Shoite, I think that may be the crappiest press release I have EVER had the misfortune to read. Even if I weren’t hungry/stupidly busy/plain arsey I would still sentence the author to be put up against a wall and shot with shit. The pomegranate link is tenuous, the repeated mention of pot tacky and on top of that it’s beyond badly written.

Well, another day another poor PR pitch. I’m off to get a chocolate croissant from Pret before today’s onslaught on my in-box begins…

Edith

The image shown did not accompany the press release. I used it for illustrative purposes.

Kate Moss for Topshop. Cock right off!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say what I think many of you are thinking…

Kate Moss’s collections for Tophop are SHIT. Especially the latest one which launched yesterday. They aren’t even collections (and I am qualified to say that because I studied fashion design at uni, so ner!). Just random clothes hung together, a bit like a nice charity shop that just happens to have several of each item (perhaps because they chanced on some dead-stock you think to yourself?). There is no concept, no obvious colour palettes, little in the way of repeat details, and the fabrics, well, to be fair, they are what to be expected for that price point. It is just a mish-mash of clothes that you have a vague recollection of seeing the supermodel wearing at some point over the past few years.

What we (and Philip Green) need to remember is that, just because you have the ability to make anything look good, some style, and you can make Jo Public willing to sell their Gran just to own the latest shoite you were pictured in, this does not mean you should be heralded as a designer. I mean, my sis has this knack of making any old polyester market tat look fantastic, but I wouldn’t recommend for one second that Harold Tillman hand over the keys to Jaeger design studio and say ‘there you go luv, knock yourself out!’.

I do understand what Sir Philip Green was thinking (my Nan would say he was just seeing pound signs in front of his eyes and *tut*). But the fact that these ‘collections’ are based on what Moss herself has worn and not what she wants to wear in the future illustrates my point beautifully. She has no credible talent in this area. No vision. Arguably, she is able to recognise a good thing when she sees it, she does have an eye and could be an excellent stylist. But she is not a designer. Kate’s collections are reminiscent of what Topshop was doing years ago, you know, when it was dirt cheap, safe and a bit rubbish (but the high street was limited back then so we had no choice but to go there for our ‘Friday night on the tiles’ outfit). Well, people, this is no longer the case, So I beg you, I URGE you in fact. STOP THIS MADNESS! Don’t buy this pathetic excuse for a collection, and lets restore Ms Moss to her rightful position in society: The beautiful, crack-lovin (allegedly) laydee that we all know and *heart*.

Edith

Images from the fashion police

Mischa Barton’s handbag range. BLUERRRGGGGHHHHH!

And again. BLUERRRRGHHHHHH!

Do we need any further proof that Mischa Barton really does need a stylist and has no taste of which to speak of herself?

“With the distinctive flowerette logo [Misha's bags] are sure to be at the top of every fashionista’s wish list” the press release says.

Yes, yes. That’s right. They are at the top of my list of things to wipe my arse with. Still, with prices ranging from £20 – £170 I may have to stick with Andrex.